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Comments:
Just the fact that he won't admit to his feelings is making you more attracted to him. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting on love shack.
BTW, I'm a mid 20s male.
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That's just how it is for a lot of guys. Getting laid was the furthest thing from my mind--making them happy emotionally was the #1 thing to do. When I sit and think about it from time to time, I realize that I hurt myself more with that attitude, so it's not a solution.
I've been with this woman*about 5 months . We are both in r 40's. At first everything was perfect. I could tell she was very into me. I was in love with her and told her about 2 months in and I wanted nothing more than to be with her. She's very independent. Shortly after,*it went downhill. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship and started making excuses about her kids,not having time and distance apart which didn't seem like a problem at first. She said she didn't "expect me" and everything was going so fast and she had relationship problems before and was scared to get into something serious cause she has always been hurt........understandable . I figured she was confused. We both live far away from each other. Towards the end of this "roller coaster ride" she told me to date other people cause she couldn't give me what I want (which was simply what we had). I pushed her to make it that way but she seemed very happy. So, we met for lunch and I told her I had emailed a couple of women on the internet. She calmly said " I told you to do that" after I told her. I could tell she didn't like it and she recently told me she didn't but she wasn't ready to be with me in a relationship. I only did this to see how she felt about me. I never intended to see anyone else and I didn't. Neither of us ever actually said we wanted to break up or stop seeing each other. I called her 5 days later and she said she would call me back the next day and never did. I called her the next day and her ex boyfriend answered cause i kept calling. I didn't know who it was at first. I dont usually act like that. My instincts told me there was something up so i didn't care at that point. She was previously with him for about a year or so. She told me she figured we were done cause of me talking to other women, and cause she was turned off by my calling and assuming she cheated.There was some email contact, hurtful feelings, etc. She said he moved back during the holidays and he is still currently living near her and she had feelings for 2 people* at the same time and everything was unexPected. She told me she never cheated on me before or talked to anyone while we were together . I believed her cause of the way our relationship was and we were always keeping in contact. I just don't believe we were ever "officially broken up" which she says we were. This is my biggest issue with this. She NEVER stopped emailing me, even while she was with him! , (which was about a month). *There was one point where we stopped talking for about 10 days after the phone call. I assume she was starting to talk to him and/or giving me time to cool off. Then I thought we were finished. I kept telling her to leave me alone. After the 10 days, she emailed me (while she was with him) and*we started talking again. I didn't know she was back together with him for sure. She wouldn't tell me who answered but I put 2&2 together. I didn't want to believe it. I never met him or knew his voice. I kept asking her and she kept avoiding the question. I finally gave her an ultimatum and she told me. It didn't work out with them and I could tell she wanted to be with me**but, I basically told her I didn't want her anymore. There were some more angry, hurtful messages and I told her I didn't want to be her second choice. Now, she tells me she is "rehabilitated" and the 2 months that we were apart made a difference cause she learned things from reading and talking to other people about relationships etc. and made a mistake. We are seeing each other again and she told me she loves me (which she never did before) and makes all these big plans for us and its just like it was, even better. We talked about it and I am really confused. I don't trust her like I did before. But, i don't want to make a wrong decision. There are days that i want to bail and days that i say go with the flow. Her talking to me while she was with him makes me wonder and really bothers me. I am somewhat confident that he is not a factor in this anymore. SometiMes I think she really did feel like we were broken up. If I knew for sure that she felt like that, I wouldn't have all the trust issues I have with her and I would be ok with this for the most part. She said she didn't want to tell me about him cause of exactly the way I reacted (I told her she was stupid for getting back together with her ex). She told me he is a compulsive liar and drinker. But, she was attached to a baby that he had from someone else too. But , she also said she didn't want to be in a relationship . When i asked her about that she didn't have a good reason. She just says that she already knew him yada yada. She says she's sorry about not answering the phone. But, she didn't cheat or betray me so she's not sorry about anything else. My instincts are usually right, But I'm confused and looking for some input here. Am i blind? I guess there is a possibility she's not lying? Thanks a lot for reading.
It's almost funny that I am reading your post today...